Gentlemen, we have here not only a “beard oil” but a “luxury beard elixir”.
Bobert Brush has high expectations!
Is this just “marketing speak”, or has the crew at Heavy Metal Gentlemen diligently brewed up a genuine ‘elixir’ for the beard?
When I think of elixirs, I am thinking of bubbling cauldrons, mystic incantations and highly developed secret recipes. In fact, precisely the requirements of the one master beard oil to bind them all that I am searching for on my global quest. The artisans behind Heavy Mental Gentlemen are named Thom and Laura (based out of Darlington, England) and have reliably informed me that they sprinkle healthy amounts of love, passion, dedication and marital bickering into their brew as they skip merrily around the maypole playing their flutes and reciting medieval poetry to increase the potency of their magical beard sauce.
The oil itself is a wonderfully rich golden nectar – comprising 10 ingredients that hit the entire spectrum of carrier oils recommended for the face and hair. This bottle of Morning Glory presents itself as a well executed and complete gentlemen’s beard oil.
So let’s see how the elixir fares, as I take it through it’s paces.
I make no complaints about the lingering qualities of this specimen.
The subtly refreshing tones are released to the nostrils steadily immediately after initial application.
In the formal ‘sniff test’ I recorded an impressive score of 46 minutes (with the benchmark average being 30).
89% for lingerabilty. Excellent
Emanation scores were calculated strictly in accordance with the beard oil review methodology.
I plunged the girlfriend’s head into the saltwater bath 3 times to ensure the nasal passages were completely free from any contamination.
The emanation test was then repeated at 1 inch intervals, along the ‘inhalation metre’. Girlfriend obtained a good strong reading upto 1.4 feet.
This speaks to the quality and quantity of the essential oils included in the mixture!
A strong score!
This specimen is named ‘Morning Glory’ and that is the perfect moniker for this amazing sauce.
Delightfully tangy scents of grapefruit tinged with grey morning mists swirling from within cedar forests seep into my nostrils.
I walk up to the cliff tops, staring out across a vast silver ocean as I inhale the fresh essence of cedarwood deep into my lungs. The grapefruit peaks my attention and the bergamot holds my stoic gaze as I meditate upon my plans for the day.
This is a fantasticly refreshing aroma that will wake you up in the morning and set you in perfect stead for the day ahead.
Complex, subtly sweet and mystically alluring.
94% for emotional response. Top quality!
This specimen performs really well in the greasiness stakes and I am happy to state earns it’s title of luxury ‘beard elixr’.
Even after 3 applications of this brew (I have to test it well, remember), every last bit of the oil was absorbed into the hair.
I credit this to the inclusion of coconut oil in the recipe, which penetrates directly into the cortex of your hair with its stealthy molecular structure!
The beard is left smooth and moisturized without being greasy!
96% for greasiness. Stellar!
My beard looks mind-blowingly neat after applying this beard oil!
All the hairs seem to align well and comb into place more easily after smothering this sauce on my chops.
There is no doubt that there is plainly observable impact on beard softness, shine and manageability!
With a blend of 6 carrier oils, it’s no surprise. And the magic ingredient of castor oil is in here as well. These artisans know exactly what they are doing and this product speaks tales of being hand crafted after endless hours of diligent research.
Beating the competition.
94% for hair impact – Rock on!
Bobert Brush never tires of basting his chops with beard oil and today was no exception!
I rushed to the bottle like a maddened hound to a bone and smeared the stuff into the skin around my beard.
I then stood back and monitored closely for impact (like watching paint dry?).
The fact of the matter is that my skin was definitely moisturized by this sauce. The sink rate I estimate at 85% and the sink time 17 minutes.
85% for skin impact. Wonderful!
A 30ml bottle of this oil will set you back 10.95 UKP.
This equates to a cost per ml of £0.36
Based on my analysis of 57 specimens, the average market cost per ml of beard oil produced in the UK is £0.41 per ml.
We also have to factor in the value of the ‘push button applicator’ which most beard oil products don’t have and is an ‘added bonus’. It really does make the process of applying the oil a little quicker and easier.
So, well above average value!
80% for Value. Good value.
So, overall, based on the weighted factoring of all criteria, the Morning Glory Luxury Beard Elixir by Heavy Metal Gentleman scores an incredible:
A complete facial hair product for any man, that truly deserves it’s title as Luxury Beard Elixir!